Riding Through the Fears and Tears

One year ago Rosie and I took a serious fall.  One that if I had not stayed on through it all, would most likely have ended with a hospital stay.  That day, that exact moment in time I was asking my green, very large mare to canter for the first time under saddle.  Instead of picking up the gait she went down, hard.

I have not cantered HER since then.  I canter Bonnie, I cantered Karaat, I'm fairly certain I can canter any other horse.   The block was Rosie, the fear of falling again.

My wonderful husband came to the barn with me today.  I needed someone there, for support, and safety.

My first attempt - I'm lucky Rosie is tolerant is all I can say.  I was so close, but I just wouldn't let her move into it, but she was doing the most lovely extended trot ever before I halted.

And.Cried.

Jim asked me what I was feeling.  Plain and simple...

SCARED

I'm not sure I can even explain what I am so damned scared of, falling?  Well yah it'll hurt, but that doesn't stop me from cantering other horses.   That I won't be able to stop her if she bolted?  HAHAHA - she's too darn big, and too darned lazy to bolt far.  Buck?  She's never offered to even try.

So after some nice free walking, breathing, and a serious inner discussion reminding myself that I CAN DO THIS !!

I asked again, this time I just cleared everything out of my head, paid no attention to my form and asked.

.... it was UGLY

... It was unbalanced

... I was protecting my back, and didn't have my butt up under me (un-intentional)

... I was leaning too far forward, toes were out, heels not down

BUT

It was a canter - one circle each direction.    Jim got video of the last half circle I did.
Rosie was very tired by then and I was more interested in how she listened to the transition change.

.... remember I said it was UGLY !