Sunday, October 9, 2011

Riding Through the Fears and Tears

One year ago Rosie and I took a serious fall.  One that if I had not stayed on through it all, would most likely have ended with a hospital stay.  That day, that exact moment in time I was asking my green, very large mare to canter for the first time under saddle.  Instead of picking up the gait she went down, hard.

I have not cantered HER since then.  I canter Bonnie, I cantered Karaat, I'm fairly certain I can canter any other horse.   The block was Rosie, the fear of falling again.

My wonderful husband came to the barn with me today.  I needed someone there, for support, and safety.

My first attempt - I'm lucky Rosie is tolerant is all I can say.  I was so close, but I just wouldn't let her move into it, but she was doing the most lovely extended trot ever before I halted.

And.Cried.

Jim asked me what I was feeling.  Plain and simple...

SCARED

I'm not sure I can even explain what I am so damned scared of, falling?  Well yah it'll hurt, but that doesn't stop me from cantering other horses.   That I won't be able to stop her if she bolted?  HAHAHA - she's too darn big, and too darned lazy to bolt far.  Buck?  She's never offered to even try.

So after some nice free walking, breathing, and a serious inner discussion reminding myself that I CAN DO THIS !!

I asked again, this time I just cleared everything out of my head, paid no attention to my form and asked.

.... it was UGLY

... It was unbalanced

... I was protecting my back, and didn't have my butt up under me (un-intentional)

... I was leaning too far forward, toes were out, heels not down

BUT

It was a canter - one circle each direction.    Jim got video of the last half circle I did.
Rosie was very tired by then and I was more interested in how she listened to the transition change.

.... remember I said it was UGLY !


17 comments:

  1. Given what you said and what was going on in your head, I think it looks pretty good.

    Dan

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  2. Wow! Rosie has the slowest, most relaxed lope I think I've ever seen on anything but a Western Pleasure horse. I bet it was a dream to sit.

    Yay you! You did it!
    Good job Rosie!

    ~Lisa

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  3. ps...Perfect timing. Behind the bit did a post today with a video of a horse tripping and falling during a dressage competition:

    http://www.behindthebitblog.com/2011/10/reason-9467-to-wear-helmet.html

    ~Lisa

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  4. That's not ugly!! She has a wonderful canter in there. Yay, she needs to build strength and have more energy but this is 100% normal! YOU should be damn proud of yourself for conquering that fear. Good for you!

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  5. Not ugly!at all! You did it , you sat it , and now that hurdle is over you have all the time in the world to finesse it ! You go girl!!!!

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  6. Congratulations - that's a big milestone and you should be proud of both of you!

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  7. It's not ugly at all. And even if it were, you have to start somewhere. Getting past this fear is huge. Good for you.

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  8. Where was the ugly part?

    Good job. Defeating fear is the hardest part to riding, especially as we, uh, you know, stop getting younger.

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  9. Congratulations (again)! I can so relate to your fear. I haven't been able to get through it yet. Jaz has given me no reason to fear. My fears go back to being bucked off Poco. I just remember how long it took to heal and I hold back. But I'm trying.

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  10. Hi from Italy =)
    what a beautiful blog!
    please stay in touch with our show jumping blog: www.iconadeironchi.blogspot.com
    and also on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/IDR/133709530041269

    hope to see you soon

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  11. Kudos to you and Rosie! That was far from ugly and should help build up your confidence. The smart thing was to have someone there with you. Don't give up...very brave!

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  12. just gorgeous .....hope the new barn is still proving to be great

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  13. Isn't it amazing how powerful fear can be? I know logically you were thinking what was the chance of lightning striking twice, but every cell in your body still associates cantering on that horse with the accident. I'm so glad you were able to work through it. Keep it up.

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  14. Jeni, that was a perfect little(on the Big girl) canter for starts!! It all really looked very cool and comfortable~
    Excellent Jeni! You really faced off the fear...keep at it!
    KK

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Happy Trails!

~Jeni